Kyla McCullough

In Kora's Words

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 00:14:00 +0000

You have been a great big sis to me and it was your time to go but i was all right with that because God had a good plan for you.
I love you big sis, Kora

November 22, 1997

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 23:29:00 +0000

Depression is at it's all time high. Not sure why this year is any different from all the other years I've missed Kyla's birthday. I miss her no less, I ache for her just the same, and the pain is still as fresh as the day she left. I'm not sure why my stomach is so upset that I could get sick, not sure why this feeling wont subside for just a moment.... long enough for me to breathe. The tears wont go away, the exhaustion is fierce with my loss of appetite in full affect. Yes, this year is different.

Kyla would be turning 12 on Sunday. She would be 12!! Although she is not here with me, I still feel like a mother of three with a 12 year old, 8 year old, and 5 year old. I am a mother of a sixth grader, third grader, and a kindergartner. I can't seem to get past the fact that my door wont open and have Kyla on the other side. Some people may feel as if I'm going insane, I'm freaking out, why can't I get past it? Will my life always hold this much pain, will I always have this black cloud over me that allows the sun to only beam through every now and again? I am trying to allow myself this week of insanity, allow it to pass through and not stop it. I in no means want pity, never have.... it's just really really hard.

I can see her in my mind and when I do... I see her taller, with longer hair, tan skinned, and beautiful as ever. She is accomplishing all she is supposed to and is helping others around her succeed as she is. Kyla is loving her grandparents, cousins, and friends. She is making her Great Grandpa Rudy play through the forest instead of cutting it down. :) She is playing sports and is waiting for Kora to come so she can pass her the ball; Kyla is dancing and can't wait to bust a move with Bree. I see her playing instruments but her favorite are the drums and is wondering when dad can sit next to her and rock out with her..... and she is saving her favorite book to read to her mom, the moment she arrives. But most of all, I see her eating lunch, with the biggest lion in Heaven!

When she was here with me, she was not only my daughter but my friend who knew me well. I knew what to expect with her and she knew of me. Her and I worked like clock work, she taught me and I taught her. I think that happens when a person has children so young, you grow up together. She drove me nuts but I'm pretty sure I did the same to her. :) Kyla always knew what she wanted, and never allowed anyone to tell her different, although some tried. Some just didn't get who Kyla was. But those who were lucky enough to see her and understand who she was and what she represented..... they couldn't help but love her.

November 22, 1997..... was the day my life changed for the better, it was the day that my eyes truly opened for the first time in my life. And I truly feel blessed to have been there when she arrived into this world, and to have been there when she left it.... what an honor.

Happy birthday Big K.... thinking of you always with every breath I take. Have a wonderful 12th birthday.... and expect more balloons soon, that closet must be getting pretty full! I love you.

A Family Again

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 19:43:00 +0000

The weekend has come and gone, it was a bitter sweet weekend. Of course, it was the anniversary of Kyla's Heavenly birthday, it was a weekend full of sadness, and it was a weekend that brought us a lot of thought wondering where God wants us to go in our lives.

Bret had a tournament this weekend for our church's league. It was a very interesting tournament... on the 8th, which was the saddest day for us, he played three games. Bret doesn't play sports half way, if he's going to play a sport he's going to go all out. This last weekend was the same way, sliding, diving, hitting, pushing, throwing, and shouting were all a part of his play. On Saturday he hurt his leg so bad that when it came time to sleep that night, he had to take some meds. and sleep on the couch... the sheets on the bed hurt too bad. Sunday came around and I woke with thanks that the 8th passed without too much sadness. Bret had to leave right after church to get to the next game... his team had one game to play and if they won they would play two more games for the championship. Our team was doing awesome and Bret, along with the rest of the team, was playing his A game. It was so exciting to see, and to watch as they were making their way to the championship game. We were two outs away from the big game when Bret, playing at short stop, ran into another player who was playing in left field... both going for the same pop up.

I think God was protecting the girls and I because at that moment they needed crackers. So we were looking for which kind they would want, in the cooler when we hear the worst cracking sound and someone yelling. I looked up and saw Bret on the ground with the entire team rushing to him and the other player. I waited for just a few seconds, because just an inning before, Bret slid into second base and he took a bit longer to get up, then normal. And when he came back to the bench, I told him, "If you would had been on the ground for a few seconds longer, I would have totally embarrassed you and been out on the field... don't do that anymore!" We laughed and as he spit dirt out of his mouth, he patted me on the shoulder and said, "I'm okay honey, it was a great slide!" I just rolled my eyes.

So the few seconds I waited by the fence, I really tried to remind myself that he was fine, yet he was just lying there. So, for risk of embarrassment by Bret having his wife come out on the field to see if he's okay... I booked it! Once I got to him, he wasn't speaking, it was more like mumbling... and I swear all I could think of was Kyla and what I had to do for her when she was in need. I started reminding him to breathe, and started to rub his back... thinking if he got the wind knocked out of him rubbing his back may help him breathe easier. I kept an eye on the other player who was rocking on the ground in pain, and I made sure my girls were behind me, Bret's face was bloody and started to swell. Thankfully someone from the other team started to talk with the girls, so they would be distracted.

Once Bret spoke, his first words were, "I'm okay... Brettie, I'm okay!" And once I heard those words the tears fell. I was so relived that he was talking and reached for my hand. It was a great feeling and made the worry leave, and once the tears were gone, my brain went into a different place. My next priority was the girls, and how I can get them home... I knew this must be tough on them to see daddy on the ground not moving much. Someone had called 911 and soon there would be an even bigger scene for them to witness. Once I got them taken care of, I had them come over to Bret so they could talk with him and see that he's okay, even though he was still lying on the ground. They were visibly upset and it was another opportunity for me to remember Kora's reaction to Kyla in the hospital. Kora had that same look and the same tears and I didn't know how to tell her that this wasn't the same. That daddy had gotten hurt, but that it wasn't the same hurt as Kyla. That he's going to the hospital but that he's going to be coming home. It was a very difficult thing to try and deal with in the short amount of time we had.

Bret got in the ambulance, and with God being with us, He gave us a new church, with a new team who didn't know us well, but who took our kids and was with them as if they were their own. The feeling of family at that church is something that I haven't felt in a long time. And speaking of family, as I'm in the ambulance with Bret to make sure he's doing okay as well as going over all of his information, I see my dad walk past the window. I open the door for him, and that's when he's able to see Bret with the bandage over his head and on the gurney.... he reached for Bret's hand and I think that's all Bret needed.

Once I said goodbye to the girls and reassured them that dad was alright, and Bree's tears finally stopped, I made my way to the hospital. While I was in the car, not only was I making the phone calls to the people we had plans with that night, and Bret's family, I went to Kyla. I started praying and asking God to make this situation the best possible outcome and not the worst. The EMT's were throwing some pretty scary words out to me... "skull fracture", "fluid in the brain", and "eye sight being affected". With every line in my prayer I was thinking of the other girl who was taken to the hospital as well.

In the past I have relied heavily on prayer, the heaviest I ever had and knew that God would hear my prayers and answer them positively. Well, since the answer He gave me was a "NO!" my faith in Him has faltered. I wondered why I should rely so heavily on Him if all he's going to do is take things away from me. So in the car... I didn't ask Him to make Bret better by the time I saw him, and I didn't make any "deals" with Him. I just asked simply for "both people in this situation to be alright and that they would heal from the injuries they have inquired today." When I pulled the curtain back and saw Bret laying on the bed, in the ER, all dirty from the slide he did at second and his cleats still on his feet... the relief hit me. I couldn't help but smile and hugged him right away. I examined him, as I did with Kyla, and decided to go to his feet, as I did with Kyla. That last night with Kyla I walked into the room and saw what a difficult time she was having and I went to her feet and started to rub them... so I took Bret's shoes off, put them to the side on the floor and rubbed the tops of them... dirty and all.

The night ended with the girls sleeping soundly in their beds, my mom had done my dishes, so all I had to do was feed the dogs and turn out the lights, and as I walked into our room, there was Bret on the bed. He was banged up, sore, and bloody... but he was at home, we were a family again, and God had answered my prayer, finally, with a.... "yes".

Random Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Sun, 17 May 2009 21:55:00 +0000

It may be too much... too much to handle. Lately in the last day or so I have felt overwhelmed by it all. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach... hard to breathe. Memories... guilt... it all plays in my head until I cannot think clearly. Thought process is messed with so much it makes me feel inadequate. I think losing a child is like being on drugs. It's hidden, you think of nothing else, and you try to put on a happy face when all you want to do it break down and cry. You get irritable when you realize you can't get what you want and you try to lead a normal life, even though you know you can't because of this addiction. People say that drugs melt your brain... well I think losing a child does more damage to your brain than the most powerful drug. Thoughts can't stay in your head for long, you mean to do things but don't because you can't remember what you wanted to do. Talking about someone else's life is almost impossible, and it's difficult to even ask, "How are you doing today? What is going on with your kids?" It is work to ask these things, it doesn't come natural, mostly because you are so consumed by your continued grief... other things don't even seem to matter. Trying to become someone new, someone who you know needs to live, a person who never seems to see the light of day. The new Brettie who is broken, torn down, and fragile, needs to find a way to live a life of the old Brettie. However, the new Brettie is losing, she can't seem to find the balance between carefree living and grief stricken. How can someone find that balance? Especially if the grief is like a drug? It's not like I can go to rehab and all will be fixed. There seems to be no end to this pain, yes some days it is less, yes I can laugh with friends, yes I can spend time with my children and smile.

I have been feeling a lot of sorrow the last few days, the pit in my stomach is giving me no rest. And although this may sound a little off, I have enjoyed these feelings. I go through most of my days being numb, I think it's my body's way of allowing me to get out of bed in the morning... but when I feel sad, emotional, and weak... I can actually feel those emotions, in their entirety. If you have never been through such heartache that you've never been numb, then you wont understand what I'm saying. But if you have had a tragedy in your life, that left you so low and in so much pain, that the only way you could go about your day is to become numb.... you will completely understand my words. It feels good to feel something, even if it is pain and sorrow.

We are getting ready for a family vacation, which we have not done since Kyla has left us. Sure we've been to the beach over night, or up to Seattle for the weekend... but we haven't done a big family trip for almost four years. Gosh... four years... Anyway, it turns out the place we are going is Disneyland, although the girls think we are going camping. The last time we were at the wonderful world of Disney, was the last family trip we had, through Make-A-Wish. Whew... I can't even imagine what the trip will bring as far as memories, and emotions. Ups and downs will be a part of it, I'm sure, as well as new memories clashing with the old.

Update

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Mon, 11 May 2009 18:06:00 +0000

To the friends of the Kyla McCullough Gift Fund,

We certainly hope this email finds you doing well with wherever life has led you.

With good reason, there have been a number of people in the recent days that have been asking us when we are planning our next fundraiser. Although we have not been vocal about what we have been doing, we have been very active. After last April's (2008) benefit dinner and auction, our group realized it would be in our best interest to become our own tax-exempt non-profit organization. This would allow the Kyla McCullough Gift Fund to accept tax-deductible donations directly without having to get sponsorship from another tax-exempt non-profit organization. It would also give us the freedom to create programs that we feel serve the purpose of the Kyla McCullough Gift Fund.

It is our pleasure to inform you that we have done just that! :) As of a couple weeks ago, the Kyla McCullough Gift Fund is now it's own tax-exempt non-profit organization! Needless to say, we are thrilled as this is a huge step forward for our organization.

Achieving this goal was no easy task...our group spent many hours working to set up the Kyla McCullough Gift Fund as a non-profit corporation and applying for tax-exempt status with the IRS. We had countless phone calls, late nights, emails, and a few long meetings to ensure the success of our mission.

In particular, our impression from everything that we read was that it would take the IRS at least 2 months to respond to our tax-exempt request (if we were lucky!) and up to as much as 6 months. Amazingly, the IRS responded with our acceptance in a mere 27 days! This shows us, and we hope you too, that we are doing something that is right and good. When Brettie and I received and opened the approval letter from the IRS, it brought us to tears, realizing that this dream... this dream we are all creating, is coming true...that Kyla's legacy is being built before our eyes...that kids living with cancer will be touched by Kyla's life.

So now what? :) We are currently in the process of planning our next fundraiser, visiting venues, looking at menus, and working on a new website for our organization. We are planning to put together a fundraiser this year still, so as soon as we lock down a date, time, and place we will be certain to pass that on to all of you! :) In the mean time, please feel free to forward this email to anybody that you know would be interested in this update.

What an inspiration Kyla is, huh? We miss her everyday...it's an ache that just doesn't seem to go away. However, lately when we think of her, we wonder what she would say about all of this? Those who knew her well can see her tucking her hair behind her ears for her beauty to shine, laughing, and smiling!

We want to thank you for all your continued support. Know that your involvement with the Kyla McCullough Gift Fund already has, and will continue to, positively impact children that are living with cancer.

Stay tuned... more to come from the Kyla McCullough Gift Fund!

Sincerely,

Bret, Brettie, and the entire Kyla McCullough Gift Fund Board
Know You're Loved Always

Why Can't I Have My Cake and Eat it Too?

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 22:35:00 +0000

So today I had to go to the doctors office. I got eaten alive by a bug while sleeping and it's been four days of itching and scratching hell. What made me go to the doctor is the fact that I have gotten such an allergic reaction to the bites that one of my lymph nodes has swollen and the bottom of my head hurts if you touch it. This however, has nothing to do with what I want to say... I guess I'm just setting the "mood" for you.

I was on my way to the appointment when I realized I had to call Kim, my cousins other half (not better half just other half) and let her know that I would not be able to make it to Grease tonight... my schedule wouldn't allow it. I had a good conversation with her, as always. After I got off the phone with her, I turned up the music while my car drove along the freeway. The song "Beautiful" by Akon was the next song to play on my iPod. I start to sing the words and for some reason Kyla comes in my head. I start thinking about how much I miss her. I start thinking about how beautiful SHE is and wonder if she knows how much I miss her. I slowly turn my head to the right... when I do that I imagine myself kissing Kyla on the neck right behind the ear. That was my favorite spot to kiss her... if you think about it, for those who have children... that is the one spot that you can both feel the softness of their skin as well as smell the scent of their hair. The two together can be such a relaxing experience, even if it only lasts a few seconds.

So since I just got off the phone with Kim, my thoughts turn towards her and my cousin, Samantha. I start thinking about how close my family and theirs have gotten in the last... gosh... year is all. I mean, Samantha is about ten years older then I am, we never really even talked while growing up. Not only was she off to college before I was in middle school, but when she did come around we just never had anything to say to each other. Even as we were both adults we never really talked at family events, even though now looking back on our lives, we would have had a lot to talk about. I guess she just had her life and I had mine. Neither of us took time to break down the wall or even try to peek over it.

I started thinking about the fact that when Kyla got sick it was the first time I saw Samantha and Kim's kindness, in it's entirety. It was the first time I gave them a hug and felt a connection with them. They never skipped a beat with this little girl in a hospital bed, who was trying to fight for her life. They were the ones who gave her the pink hippo, which became a buddy of Kyla's, she rarely let go of Gloria. Looking back at everything I think if we would have let them, they would have done much more for our family.

So this is where my thoughts brought me... if Kyla didn't get sick, I may have never gotten to know Samantha and her wonderful family. I feel so lucky to have found this new relationship with my family, whom I've not had one my whole life. But here's my question... why couldn't I have had my cake and eat it too? Why couldn't I have been allowed to have my daughter, and still have this great relationship with my extended family? It's a very hard thing to think about... do you understand what I'm saying? I truly wish that, not only Samantha and her family could have known Kyla better, but any one who didn't get the chance to sit down with her and have a conversation. I know Kyla would have loved her second cousin and her family... I just wish things could be different.

I know I am not the only one in their life who wonders why some can't have their cake and eat it too.... but for me... right now... that is my biggest wonder.

Inside a Conversation Between a Mother and her Daughter.

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 05:42:00 +0000

On my way home from Kora's basketball practice tonight Bree and I start a conversation. It was my attempt to keep her awake until we got home. Here is how the conversation went.

Bree: "Hey mommy, where does Grandpa Rudy live, does he live in Idaho?"
Mommy: "No that is Grandpa ROYCE."
Bree: "No, no not Grandpa Royce, Grandpa Rudy where does he live?"
Mommy: "Oh, well Grandpa Rudy is in Heaven."
Bree: "What about Grandma Rose?"
Mommy: "Well, she is in Heaven too."
Pause
Bree: "Kyla is in Heaven."
Mommy: "That's right, Kyla is in Heaven as well."
Bree: "I think Kyla needs to come home to us because she has been away for a long time and she needs to be here. I want to give her a big hug and lots of kisses."
Pause
Mommy: "Me too, Bree."
Bree: "Or I could go to Heaven and see her."
Mommy: "Well, I hope you don't go there anytime soon, I would miss you terribly."
Bree: "I would miss you too mommy... and I miss Kyla."
Pause
Bree: "She's my sister and I love her, and you miss her, and we want to see her."
Mommy: "That's about it isn't it... good job Bree... good job."

Stride in Stride

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 00:26:00 +0000

Well it's official, Bret and I have hit a fork in the road while on our journey along the dark grieving road. How is one able to move on when the person who they love the most is dragging behind with his heels planted? How is it supposed to give either one of us comfort if one is ahead of the other? How can we converse with one another, without feelings being hurt? Without the intent of cruelty but being cruel, without the intent of impatient behavior yet being impatient, without the ability to understand... we get nowhere. Is it possible to have one move forward and one stay behind and still manage peace within ourselves? Bret and I have always been hand in hand, the left feet and the right feet moved at the same pace, never tripping one another.

Which is right, or which is wrong... is it impossible to categorize one of us, or both of us? How is this supposed to work? How can we make this work? Every book that I have ever read always explains that this process hits everyone differently. It is never the same for two people, but what I have always disagreed with... is just that. Bret and I have always been the same until now. Now, is when I understand what the books are saying, I understand how hurt can occur on one of us if the grief is not the same. He cannot understand how I can step ahead, when I cannot understand why he is so behind. One is not better than the other... just different.

I am ready and willing to take a step ahead, I have been talking a lot with both God and Kyla. I wake talking with them, and I close my eyes at night talking with them. I feel God more now, then I have since Kyla got sick. I see her smile, and I hear her laugh when the house is quiet. I have this gut feeling that Kyla is around me, I have her close. With those feelings comes extreme sadness. I have memories that surface more often, I have a hard time looking at her photo... not sure why. I cannot tell a story of her without tears clouding my vision, and I cannot smell her hair anymore when I hold her blanket. I am realizing I am in a transitional stage... I am at the point of wanting to put her things away because I see them getting worn from the years that are passing us by. I see the colors fading and I see the things on her walls slowly falling down. I want to put those items in a safe and protected place. I want to keep them "fresh" just like the day Kyla brought them home from school. That is not going to happen if we keep them out, those blankets will stain, those paintings will crack, the glue will lose it's stick, and the papers will weaken. I am ready to take a step forward.

Bret on the other hand is putting his heels down in the concrete and with all his might, keeping them pushed down. He doesn't want to put those items away in fear that once they are gone... that's it. We can never replace those painting, blankets, etc. once we put them away. He feels that she deserves a room dedicated to her. Bret wants things to stay as they are, to keep things the same. He has never liked change, never has appreciated one changing things from the way it was before. "Why the need for change?" I like that quality in him, Kyla had the same one. I think Bret feels that if he can still see Kyla's things on the walls or lying on her bed, then she is still here. That she is still a part of the family... a part of the house. He also expects those things to fade, crack, rip after all... it has been four years and that's what happens with all things over time.

Bret and I will make it through this... we always do. I will start to understand him, and he will understand me. We will find a middle ground, and once we get there, we'll both stand on it together hand in hand. We will walk stride in stride, all the while, missing our dearest and sweetest Kyla- Eliza.

Happy 11th Birthday Kyla!

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 17:48:00 +0000

Ah... another year of celebrating her birthday without her here. Our family doesn't know if we should laugh or cry. We don't know if we should go out and have fun or if we should stay in our home and sit. I woke up this morning saying happy birthday to her and wondering if she got that morning toast with a candle in it for her first birthday wish of the day. I wondered if my grandparents are planning a birthday party for her at the local skating rink, or at the amusement park that is around the corner. And while they set everything up, Bret's grandparents are keeping her busy... making clay, doing an art project, watching a movie with her. After a few hours Kyla arrives at her party only to find a ton of friends and family gathering around her cheering "Happy Birthday Kyla!" She looks around to see the matching plates, with the matching cups, and napkins.... while we provide the balloons. :)

The night that she was born people gathered around the room and looked down at this miracle that has just been presented to us. Bret was holding Kyla in his arms, never taking his eyes off of her. He lifted her in the air and said to everyone, "I would like you to meet Kyla-Elizabeth McCullough!" The emotions that night were overwhelming in so many ways... from that moment we knew she was destined to be something great.

Dear Kyla,
The emotion I am feeling today is something I cannot explain, I miss you so much sweetie. I want you to know that Daddy, Kora, Bree, and I are all wishing you a very happy birthday. I always made a few wishes of my own on your birthday, for you to grow knowing God and feel His blessings all of your days and for you to feel loved by us and know we are always here for you no matter what. I believe my wishes have come true and I am thankful for that. You are such a blessing and I realize you are a gift that I was able to have with me to help teach me some things. I grew up with you, Kyla... you and I were just kids but somehow we taught each other things every day. I thank you for not only being my daughter but being a great friend to grow up with. You made me a good mom, I couldn't have done it without you. Sometimes I wonder what kind of mom I would be if you were still here teaching me more things. We were a good team, and I am positive we still would have been. Have a wonderful day, we love you!

Love,
Mommy

Who Knew

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:00:00 +0000

As you all are probably aware of, I am in the third year of losing Kyla. It is by far the hardest year and I am constantly struggling with how to present myself. The lyrics below sum up what I am and have been feeling... I think they are beautiful. If you don't know the song I suggest you listen to it with your eyes closed so you can hear what she is singing about and feel the energy she is passing along. It is a song that has taken me through the last few days.

You took my hand you showed me how. You promised me you'd be around, that's right. I took your words and I believed in everything you said to me, that's right. If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone I'd stand up and punch them out, cause they're all wrong. I know better cause you said forever and ever... who knew.

Remember when we were such fools and so convinced and just too cool. Oh no, no, no. I wish I could touch you again. I wish I could still call you friend... I'd give anything.

When someone said count your blessings now, 'fore they're long gone. I guess I just didn't know how, I was all wrong. They knew better, still you said forever and ever... who knew.

I'll keep you locked in my head until we meet again. Until we meet again and I wont forget you my friend. What happened?

If someone said three years from now you'd be long gone I'd stand up and punch them out, cause they're all wrong. That last kiss I'll cherish, until we meet again. And time makes it harder I wish I could remember, but I keep your memory. You visit me in my sleep.

My darling
Who knew

Who Knew Lyrics by Pink

I Always Knew You Could Do It

noreply@blogger.com (Bret McCullough) — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:13:00 +0000

Ok... I have been in a terrible funk for about a week, but heavily since last Friday. If you think about it, last Friday was Halloween, which is the fall's first holiday. It's the first holiday that reminds me, once again, that Kyla's not here. The weekend was tough, and now that Monday has come and is almost gone, I am left feeling the same.... empty.

The third year of Kyla's passing has been very interesting. I have felt more sorrow in this year then the past two years combined. I have cried more, slept more, eaten less, and been more depressed then I ever thought I would. The amount of sadness that I endure in one week is, what I imagine, more then someone would endure in a whole year. I have a weight on my shoulders that overcomes my entire being. I sometimes struggle for breath, and I rarely have motivation. Sure I have moments when it all subsides and I can find some kind of smile or relief, but it makes me wonder how much more I can take.

I wonder too, if this year has been harder then all the rest because Kora is now in the second grade... a place in which Kyla never got to. As the years went on after her passing we were playing "catch up" in a way. Kora was in kindergarten, a year we knew what to expect... the same was with first grade. Kora had the same teacher Kyla had in first grade, and did the same things that Kyla did at that age. But this year... this year is new territory, and I have to say it feels all wrong. Kora is the second child in our family so it doesn't seem like she should be blazing the trail. All her life, up till now, she has played the roll of the middle child. We have not had to look at her as the oldest, and although we still don't, it's getting harder and harder not to see her as just that. Kora is maturing in a way Kyla never did, and I can not explain how much it hurts to stand aside and watch it happen.

I keep in mind that Kyla is looking down on us and making sure we are all okay. She is watching Kora just as much as I am and cheering loudly for her, "You go Kora! I always knew you could do it!" And then looking at me with a soft hand on the shoulder or maybe even an arm around my back saying, "I know mom... but I'm still here waiting for you... I love ya."

This Is What It's All About!

noreply@blogger.com (Bret McCullough) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 14:53:00 +0000

At our second annual Kyla McCullough Gift Fund Dinner & Silent Auction held this last April we had two financial goals. One was to grant a wish at the Make-A-Wish Foundation of Oregon®, and the other was to make a large donation to Doernbecher Children's Hospital. Both of these organizations played crucial roles in the experiences that we had with Kyla during her illness, and continue to provide for children that are in the position that Kyla was in. We are now thrilled to be able to share the results of your incredible support with you.

Make-A-Wish Foundation of Oregon®
One of the charities that the Kyla McCullough Gift Fund supports is the Make-A-Wish Foundation of Oregon®. Every time the Kyla McCullough Gift Fund grants a wish we have the honor and privilege of meeting with Tara Jones, the Events Coordinator at the Make-A-Wish Foundation of Oregon ®. During this time, Tara fills us in on the wish that Kyla's fund granted, including some photos of the child Kyla's fund has been blessed enough to help. Our last meeting with Tara was a couple Fridays ago...it was not only great to catch up with her, but also wonderful to see photos and hear a bit about the teenager the Kyla's fund was able to grant a wish for.

Joshua, age 18, from the local area. I wish to go...to Hawaii.
This year, the Kyla McCullough Gift Fund was able to sponsor a wish for Joshua. He has been living with Congenital Heart Disease for the past eighteen years and will continue to do so for the rest of his life. Joshua's wish was to go to Hawaii with his family. He and his family were able to enjoy Hawaii together, go to Pearl Harbor, shop, and relax in the sun. Among the stress and the daily drain of living with Congenital Heart Disease, Joshua and his family were able to make memories that will last forever in their hearts. It is wonderful and exciting to be a part of that!

Doernbecher Children's Hospital
This year was our first year to be able to direct funds to Doernbecher Children's Hospital. As we discussed our options with their representative, the decision of where to donate that money was much more difficult than we originally thought it would be. There are many great and worthy avenues to direct money to at Doernbecher Children's Hospital, but we really wanted the donation from the Kyla McCullough Gift Fund to go to the areas in which we thought best applied to Kyla's experiences there. We also wanted to be able to show all those who donated to Kyla's fund some specific, tangible things they helped purchase for the children who go in and out of that hospital. We believe with the careful planning and many hours of discussion we were able to do just that.

Doernbecher's Bead Program - $500
Anyone who attended this last year's dinner and silent auction should know about the bead program they have at Doernbecher. If you don't, then we as the hosts did not do our job! :) The children in the cancer center earn beads for things such as getting a shot, staying overnight in the hospital, undergoing neurosurgery, things that kids with cancer are forced to endure. Although it doesn't take away the difficult things these kids are dealing with, the program does put a positive spin on it. We know that Kyla was very excited every time she earned a new bead. It gives the kids something positive to focus on and look forward to, rather than giving complete focus to the difficult task ahead. We were very happy that the Kyla McCullough Gift Fund, with your help, could support this program with a $500 donation.

Doernbecher's Emergency Department Renovation - $5500
Doernbecher currently shares an Emergency Department with OHSU, and unlike the rest of the Doernbecher facility, it is not geared specifically for kids. Therefore, Doernbecher is currently raising money for an Emergency Department Renovation so they can have a more child-friendly and family-oriented environment for kids that come through that Emergency Department. Specifically, the Kyla McCullough Gift Fund (again, with your help) was able to donate $5,500 for a specialized Stryker Patient Stretcher just for kids. This is an area that is dear to our hearts as Kyla's last day with us was initially spent in the Emergency Department.

Doernbecher's Pediatric Brain Tumor Research Fund - $12,100
Doernbecher is continually doing research to find a cure for pediatric brain tumors. They have set up the Pediatric Brain Tumor Research Fund to help support this cause. This area in particular is important to us, and we truly hope some of the donated funds can be used to help find a cure so that other children do not have to endure such hardship.

We hope that each of you that have supported the Kyla McCullough Gift Fund in some way take pride in knowing that you contributed to these worthy causes. We are striving to donate to the places that not only would please all of you, but relate it somehow to Kyla and what she went through. It is very rewarding to have the ability to give back to the kids who are suffering everyday and families who struggle daily with life changing experiences. We truly hope you feel the sense of accomplishment and realize the magnitude of what you participate in by being involved with The Kyla McCullough Gift Fund! More to come...

Writing about Wishes

noreply@blogger.com (Bret McCullough) — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 23:58:00 +0000

One of my younger brothers, Joey, has always been one to talk sports. As a kid there were many times that we would be watching a Portland Trailblazers game on television and he would be doing his best to give his own play by play. So it came as no surprise to many of us that he is now in the Communications program at Boise State as a sophomore. To gain some experience in this area, Joey was wise to get a job at the campus radio station as a freshman last year. Over this last summer, Joey decided that he would really like to write for the sports section of the school paper, the Arbiter. However, he wasn't sure how he would go about getting a job like that. As it turned out, on the first day of one of Joey's fall classes this year the professor had each student introduce themselves to the rest of the class as an ice-breaker. Amazingly enough, one of the girls in his class turned out to be the editor at the Arbiter (what are the odds?). After class, Joey seized the opportunity, introduced himself to the girl, and talked to her about his desire to write to the paper. Now, a couple months later, Joey finds himself fulfilling his goal as he is working as a journalist for the sports section of the Arbiter. Way to go out and make it happen Joey!!!!

Joey has written a few articles for the Arbiter at this point but it was his latest article (Boise State athletes make wishes come true) that hit home for me. Great article Joey...thank you for doing your part.

A Day With The Yankees

noreply@blogger.com (Bret McCullough) — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 05:58:00 +0000

Last weekend Bret and I took Kora and Bree up to Seattle so they could watch their first Yankee game. The girls were excited, however, I'm not sure they knew why they were excited... they just knew they were about to do something cool with Mom and Dad. They got a bit nervous when we got off of the elevator from the Safeco Field Parking Garage and walked into the crowd. It was a bit overwhelming for me, so I made sure they held our hands and with that I knew they would be fine. As we got our tickets scanned, bags checked, and talked to someone about where to go for our seats, we started up the stairs of the stadium. When we got to the top and rounded the corner, there it was, the look of amazement!

That was it for me, seeing that look on both Kora's and Bree's faces was enough. They walked up to the top railing of the family section we chose to sit in at this game and watched the players on the field. They took a few moments in that spot never moving, and Bret and I stood back and allowed them to have those moments to themselves. It was truly an awesome emotion to witness.

I hope you are all able to experience what I did this weekend with someone you love. To give someone an experience and let them indulge in it. To do something out of the norm with someone and look in that persons eye and see the true joy that comes out of them.

While we were at the game the girls got to see a home run in the first inning from Bobby Abreu, just a few feet away from them. They got to be on the Jumbotron (yes...in front of almost 45,000 people), they got to see Johnny Damon throw a ball in the stands just three rows in front of us, and the Yankees won: 7 to 4. They were both excited to see Derek Jeter in real life, got to see Joba Chamberlain pitch, and of course they were very happy to see Mo pitch the last four outs of the game.

It was a late night which turned into a wonderful weekend. We, as a family, did something that was the most fun we've had in years. I think we have been avoiding this kind of thing, for fear that we would be doing this without Kyla...and the emotion of incredible sadness would take over, and the main purpose of an adventure with the girls would be lost. However, we were a family... and I stress that to you, so you understand that Kyla was there too. She was there with us, sitting with us, she was cheering right along with the girls. And if you don't believe me...remember what the score was? Our team ended with 7 runs, and if you know our family and what we experience with that number, you will know as well.

Stand Up To Cancer (SU2C)

noreply@blogger.com (Bret McCullough) — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 17:42:00 +0000

Just thought I would spread the word that there is a special one hour commercial-free show on the three major television networks tonight (ABC, CBS, and NBC) at 8pm ET/PT or 7pm CT geared at raising funds to fight cancer. I urge you to spend some time this evening watching this program...if for no other reason, to see for yourself how we are all connected in this battle.

Here is a related "Survivors" video clip:

Here is the website describing tonight's show:
http://su2c.standup2cancer.org/theshow

Also, it looks like you can "launch a star" in honor of a loved one. It is currently in search-only mode until after September 7th but do take a minute to check it out: http://su2c.standup2cancer.org/constellation-launch

"I'm gonna die, you're gonna die,
but how many of us are going to live?"
Keep up the fight!

I Miss Her

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:25:00 +0000

The sadness I have in my heart is overwhelming and constant. I woke up this morning without that feeling, thinking I was going to have a good day... seeing it's my birthday. Kora made me breakfast, an Eggo and a piece of toast. I hugged her as the three of us (Kora, Bree, and I) shared it. My parents called and sang me the usual birthday song with my dad in his Donald Duck voice, which is always a favorite in my family. It wasn't long, however, when I started feeling very sad... beyond measure.

The fist birthday I had after Kyla went to heaven, was only three weeks after her passing. I couldn't believe that I was supposed to be happy to be turning another year old... another birthday... another cake... it just didn't seem like it was necessary in life anymore. What did it matter that I was getting older? My daughter wouldn't be. I wouldn't be witnessing her grow and become a young woman. Why? Nothing made sense. The other birthday's leading to today's, came and left... all the while trying to be happy on the day of my birthday. After all, isn't that the day TO BE happy? The one day you should live in the moment, the one you should keep the tears back?

Not today... I can't seem to hold them back. I miss Kyla so much I can't breath, my throat is closed and it takes concentrating breathing to open it again. A big party has been planned for tonight, balloons have been ordered, and cake has been made. Now that the day is here, I wonder once again what the big deal is.

I was 19 when I got Kyla and I was 26 when I lost her.

I miss her.

Relay For Life - 2008

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 07:35:00 +0000

It has been almost two months now since we, along with many of our closest supporters, fought cancer for a day by walking around a track for 24 straight hours (taking turns with teammates, of course) at the Relay For Life event. Two days after Bret and I got back from a week in New York we were off to Clackamas Community College to participate in the event...wouldn't miss it! Lisa brought this relay to our attention last year, but the timing of last year's relay did not work well with the timing of Kyla's benefit dinner & auction. However this year, Bret and I were really wanting to do it, so we organized a team with seventeen adults, and thirteen children. We all set up tents and canopy's...and even a little swimming pool for the kids. As it turned out, this was a good thing because it was 100 degrees outside that day. Bret and I contacted a woman we know (thanks Velvet!) who makes T-Shirts, and after we designed them we put in the order the night before we left for our trip to New York. Talk about cutting things close! :)

The morning we left for the track, we were packing our car up when we ran into our neighbor. We said very casually, "How ya doin'?" His wife had been sick with breast cancer, but we haven't heard how she was doing lately. Our neighbor responded with his head down, "Well, did you hear that Debbie passed?" WHAM... the sadness was overwhelming for me, I stood there listening to him talk about his grief and seeing the wear on his face. I have noticed from those who are in heavy grief their face shows it...mine did for a long time and when I look at photos of myself I can still see it. It makes you ragged. I looked at him as we were about to part ways with him and said, "We will light a candle for her tonight, and I pray you will be healed." I could barely get the words out, as he could barely say thank you.

The relay started and we were all having a lot of fun. The heat of the day didn't seem too bad, and everyone told stories, and laughed with each other. As the evening turned cooler and darker, we realized it was time to make our bags for the luminary ceremony. One by one our team came back with a bag...some dedicated to Kyla...some dedicated to a grandpa or a friend. Bret and I made one for Debbie. I was taking photos of all the bags that were dedicated by our team when I heard a little girl say, "Mom, look at all these bags for someone named Kyla" The mom agreed as they were walking by looking and reading all the bags... it made me proud and I thought, "Good for you Kyla!"

When we all gathered at the stage to listen to people speak about their loved ones who have inspired them to walk against cancer I was weaving in and out of the crowd looking for one person... my sweet Kora-Lynn. I made my way through several people when all of a sudden I saw Kora doing the same and when we made eye contact it was like we were a magnet with each other. She ran into me as I fell on the ground. Some of Kyla's friends who were a part of our group wanted to go up on the stage and talk about Kyla. Mind you, they are nine and ten and they will be before a few hundred people. They asked Kora if she wanted to go up with them...Kora said no at first but then she said yes. A bit of time passed and there were Alyssa and McKenna speaking about their friend who passed away when she was seven, but that she was a really good friend. And my sweet Kora standing there so brave, said hi to the crowd. I teared up a bit from seeing all those girls have the strength to do that. Kora came down from the stage and made her way to me, and collapsed into my arms crying so hard she could not catch her breath. I picked her up and walked her back to our camp. Kora was devastated all over again, that her sister is not here with her... and I all I could do was hold her.

Our team ended up being one of a few teams to have someone on the track every single hour in the 24 hours that the relay took place. We were also one of the few teams who had matching shirts, with necklaces to go with them. And when the last lap of the relay was announced I was looking around for Kora... I couldn't find her anywhere. I even asked to those around me, "Do you know where Kora went?" No one knew. I looked ahead of me... then I looked further... and that's when I saw her. She was a few feet in front of the hundreds who were walking in this massive herd. She was leading us... all by herself... Kora was walking for her sister!

For a look at some of the photos from our day at the Relay For Life event, click here.

We would highly suggest that any of you that can take part in a Relay For Life event, do so...not only is it a great fundraiser for the American Cancer Society, but it also is an amazing experience to see so many cancer survivors, hear people talk about what (or who) inspired them to walk at the event, to see the luminary bags lit around the track in honor of those we have lost to cancer, and to strengthen relationships with those around you. For more information on the Oregon City Relay For Life, visit http://www.ocrelay.org.

Am I Going To Die, Mom?

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 15:58:00 +0000

Today marks the the third anniversary of Kyla's heavenly birth. I am feeling very frustrated seeing it's only been three years, when it feels like a lifetime. I can't imagine what it will be like on the 10th anniversary or even the 20th. I woke up today looking out the window and the weather sums up what I am feeling inside. Cloudy, gloomy, and grey...but with the chance of clearness and possible sunshine as the day goes on.

When Kyla was three weeks into her illness, we went to a church league softball game and there was a young boy who came up to Kyla and I. He said that he's heard of what is wrong with Kyla and that he was sorry to hear about it, because they know of a boy who had a brain tumor and he died. So he was sorry to hear that she had a brain tumor... and asked if she was going to die. Kyla looked at him with a very classic Kyla look as if to tell him to get the hell out of her way, and why would he even come up to her and say these things. He cocked his head back as he looked up at me but there was no comfort here... I had the same look for him.

I had never talked about Kyla dying...with Kyla. To me that wasn't an option, she was going to beat this tumor because that's what she did best. She was a fighter and never backed down to anything, why would this be any different? Why would she choose to lose now? It wasn't going to happen...it just wasn't.

When we came home from the ball game Kyla was tired, so she laid down on the bottom bunk in Kora's room. It had become her bed which was a good thing for Kora... she liked having Kyla for a roommate. As I was doing some house work I heard Kyla faintly call for me. I walked a bit faster then I normally would for my other children. They were healthy and although they need me too, when they call me it's usually for a glass of water. I open the door as I see her lying down with her forearm against her forehead. I asked her if she was having a headache... she just shook her head "No".

I sat next to her on the bed... I was rubbing her legs when I asked, "Are you thinking about what that boy said at the game today?" She shook her head, "Yes".

My heart sinks and my breathing becomes shallow, I slowly slide down off the bed so I am on the floor with the bed to my back. I am leaned against it, while Kyla takes her arm off of her head and brings it down around my shoulder and her hand rests across my chest on my heart.

I take a deep breath as I hear her ask, "Am I going to die, mom?"

I close my eyes as I start to feel them tear up. "Well, Kyla... we are all going to die. The thing we all wonder is when are we going to die? Some die right at birth, some die when they are old and have lived a long life."

She says with her voice quivering, "And some die when they are little kids... like me?"

I can barely speak by this point as I clear my throat, "Well, yeah... sometimes God decides that He want's you back before you are quite ready. Or should I say before those around you are ready. I think that when someone dies they are ready... no matter what is happening and how they are dying... I think they are ready."

We sit in silence for a long time before she speaks again, "What is heaven like?"

My thoughts race, and I feel like I should have paid more attention in religion class in high school. I say, "I think heaven is a wonderful and safe place. I think heaven is a place where there is no sadness, and you have sun to your face every morning when you wake up. I think there is snow on Christmas morning, and bigger fireworks than anyone here on earth has seen, on the Fourth of July! I think there is no pain..."

Kyla interrupts me and says, "And no brain tumors."

"Yes no brian tumors... definitely no brain tumors!"

I turn my head back at her and smile as she returns one to me.

I continue while I straighten my body so I am facing her, "And Kyla... I believe that if you want to have lunch with a lion you could have lunch with a lion sitting right beside you." She smiles even bigger, "Really?"

"Sure, you could...or a monkey, or a giraffe, or..."

"A chameleon?"

"Yes that too. Kyla, never be afraid of death. I know that is easier said then done, and I know I am saying this without a brain tumor in my head. And I know that you are the one who has to be the strong one here. I know you are the one who is facing this... not me. I hope you know that I am so very proud of you for all the things you have done in your life. You have been such a joy for me to have, and I really want you to know that heaven is a great place. Jesus died on the cross for you and for me... it is pretty flattering to be so special that God wants you back. But you listen to me... you keep fighting okay? Daddy and I will too, but we can't fight the same way you can. Fight for as long as you can, but when you are tired you let us know. We will follow your lead. Okay?"

"Okay mom."

We give each other a big hug and I kiss her more-than-normal chubby cheek. I start to walk out of the room when Kyla says, "Mom?"

I turn towards her, "Yeah Kyla?"

"I love you."

Just Breathe

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 07:16:00 +0000

Really? Honestly? Has it really been that long since we've last written? Is there anyone out there anymore, or has our lack of updating lost most of you? Well, I am officially starting this up again, I hope to do it at least once a month if not more. I think I have always tried to write something about Kyla, seeing that this is Kyla's web site, and although I will still write about her, this will become more like a diary. Now that could be a good thing, or it could be a disaster... I mean a diary is usually something that is private and full of secrets. If you know me at all you know that I am not one of those people who lay my stuff out on the table. I am very closed, and if you want to know anything about me maybe I'll tell you in about a year or two after knowing you.

Being Kyla's mom is something that I am very proud of... I actually still feel as if I am a mother of a ten year old who is going into the fifth grade. I am a mom of a daughter who is responsible and who, for the most part, does what I ask of her. My oldest daughter looks after her family, makes sure her sisters are happy, and shows us the way by inadvertently pushing us to the left or right. As time goes by I feel Kyla less and less, you have no idea how that saddens me! I can't remember the last time I dreamt of her, or felt her in a room with me. I look at her and she is looking more and more like a baby. When she got sick at the time she was three and a half years older then Kora and six years older then Bree... she was definitely the older daughter. Now that Kora is getting bigger, she is now seven, and Bree four, it has made me realize that Kyla was just a kid. I always knew she was just a kid, I guess I'm not making myself clear. When Kyla got sick she seemed older then ME... she seemed stronger, smarter, more forgiving, and loving. Now that I am able to see with clearer glasses I see how amazing that is. It doesn't seem possible.

So, as I mentioned Kora is seven and Bree is four. They are the ages Kyla was when she went to Heaven, and Kora was four when Bret and I had to sit her down and tell her that her sister will not be coming home to play with her anymore. Bree talks about Kyla all the time and how she has gone to Heaven. She talks about Kyla's bed, and if she has any dogs. Kora and Bree are happy that Kyla may be taking care of a dog, Moxee. Kora said to me, "Ya know she needs to have a dog, so it makes me happy that she may be taking care of Moxee." (Moxee is a family members dog who got sick earlier this year and passed away.)

The other day in the car, Bree was talking about my grandma, her great-grandma Rose... she talks about great-grandma Rose very often, at least three times a day. We were in the car when Bree says, "Mom does grandma Rose have a room in Heaven?" I said, "Well, yeah... I think she does. Do you?" Then she says, "Yeah. Do you think Kyla has sleepovers with her?" I laughed, "Yeah, I think they have sleepovers!" That's when Kora says, "Well, how can Kyla have a sleepover if she died? Oh wait I know, it's because when you die you go to Heaven and Heaven is a great place, right?" Bree yells, "NO KORA! KYLA DIDN'T DIE!! SHE IS IN HEAVEN! SHE NOT DEAD! SHE NOT DEAD, DON'T SAY THAT! WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?" Kora's eyes got really big and worried, she didn't know what to say and that's when I realized that Bree has no concept of what happened to her biggest sis, or why she is in Heaven. Bree probably thinks that Kyla got on a plane and flew to "Heaven" and will be coming back some day. Then I was thinking how in the hell did Kora get that concept? How did Kora sit on her bed, at the age of four, and listen to what Bret and I said to her about her sister and understand? It blows me away and I really feel that it was in God's hands and He gave her the knowledge and the ability to digest it the way it was.

I hope you will like the new entries, I hope to be a bit more raw... I guess it's just more real.

Just Breathe

A Day at the Zoo

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Tue, 13 May 2008 03:46:00 +0000

It's quite funny how things come full circle sometimes. Today was the first grade field trip, one that I particularly enjoy going to...I always have. I went with Kyla three years ago. I remember the trip like it was yesterday, the animals we saw, the smells that were in the air, the photos I took of her, and the smiles on Kyla's face when she saw something she enjoyed. The field tip was like any other I took with her, and we had been to the zoo so many times, it's not like we were seeing things we hadn't before. I guess looking back on the day, the only reason why it sits so close to my heart is because it was the last field trip I took with her. After that day back in 2005, I had never gone back... until today that is.

I have been praying about this field trip since the year first started, it was something that I knew was going to happen whether I was ready for it or not. I went back and forth so many times, "I can be a leader...take photos...entertain the other parents in my group...carry all the info for the zoo...I can do it." On other days it would be, "There is no way I can lead a group...I am going to be a total wreck...maybe my mom would go with Kora, she could do it...I am kidding myself if I think I am going to be able to go through this."

Yesterday was Mother's Day, a hard day to begin with now that Kyla is gone. However, I was tying to get some sleep last night when I started to think, "So here I've had a really hard day, and now I have to go on this field tomorrow... MAN!!!" I woke up energized and willing to make new memories with Kora and face my fear head on with this whole "zoo thing". I am never the kind of person to turn away from any challenges. Kora and I get to the zoo and I can breathe...it is truly amazing I can actually breathe! I feel Kyla with me while I'm there and I know she is wrapping her arms around me saying, "Let's go mom, let's have some fun!" And that is what I did, I had a great time...with KORA. We saw a ton of animals that were fantastic, the air smelled familiar, I took photos of her, and the smiles on her face when she saw something she liked was awesome to see. It warmed my heart, and allowed me to experience the trip with Kora and not with extra baggage I am sometimes known to have.

It wasn't until I came home and the girls were outside playing, did I get a weight on my heart that I could not lift. Looking at all the photos I took today of Kora and realizing I had similar photos of Kyla just hit me so hard. I went back into my albums on my computer and I saw the photos of Kyla and I. Then I went back to the ones of Kora and I and WHAM... I lost it. It's so hard sometimes to have to move on, and it's not until days like today and yesterday do I realize I have to.

We Would Love Your Feedback

noreply@blogger.com (Bret McCullough) — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 16:27:00 +0000

We hope that each and every person at Kyla's Benefit Dinner & Auction this year had a great time and would love to come back next year. Having held two large-scale events now, we are quickly learning the challenges that come along with putting on an event of that size. We understand that there are most likely many things to improve upon. Since you are our guests at these events, your feedback is priceless to us. If you have some feedback that you would be willing to give us regarding Kyla's Benefit Dinner & Auction (both good and bad), please leave a comment for us so that we can work to improve upon it for next year's event.

A few suggestions we have had to this point:
- Speed up credit card processing
- Get people into the room quicker
- More oral auction items

Thanks again everyone for all of your support!

Bellisimo Bracelets

noreply@blogger.com (Bret McCullough) — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 05:05:00 +0000

While preparing for Kyla's big event, one of the many rewarding experiences is having the joy of working with those who truly understand what we are trying to do. One of these people this year was Patrina Roberts, owner of Bellisimo Bracelets. Among many of the other beads that we used for our necklaces and bracelets this year, Patrina provided us with all of the polymer-based beads that were used as KID beads. We all came to the conclusion that it would be best to make these beads in Kyla's likeness, but Patrina and the ladies that helped her took it a step further and made four different style KID beads with varying hair styles. Patrina told us that after looking at Kyla's photos, it was obvious that Kyla liked her hair in many different styles. Brettie and I were extremely touched by this.

In the little time that we have come to know Patrina, it has become obvious to us that Bellisimo Bracelets is not just a company trying to sell bracelets...but rather they use their gifts to promote awareness of people in need. Brettie and I encourage you to visit the Bellisimo Bracelets website and see the great work that they do there.

Using her artistic gifts, Patrina has created four different bracelets to honor Kyla. You will find them on her website. They are:

Kyla KID Bracelet:

In Memory of Kyla:

Kyla Know You're Loved Always:

Kora Birthstone:

To top it all off, Patrina offered to donate $5 from the sale of any of these bracelets to be donated in Kyla's name to the charity of our choice. We chose to have the donation directed to The Make-A-Wish Foundation of Oregon because of everything they have done for Kyla and our family during the most difficult time of our lives.

We look forward to working with Patrina again next year!

$24,000 (And Counting)

noreply@blogger.com (Brettie McCullough) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 04:13:00 +0000

WHEW! It has been three days since our big event and I believe it has just hit me. The things we did, the words we spoke, the people we met, and the friendships that were made. The evening came and went so fast, when I think of it, I see it as a foggy memory of something that happened...but can't believe it.

Saturday brought us such wonderful weather, we couldn't have asked for anything better. The room was beautifully decorated with flowers and candles. People started to trickle in and that's when I knew the night was going to begin whether or not I was ready... it was starting. One of the main goals for Bret and I were to speak with everyone who attended the event...and although that was our intention, we know we failed at that. Saturday night got so busy and hectic for us, it was much harder then we thought it would be to visit with 250 people!

Bret did an awesome job speaking...he kind of had to. I let him know, it was really hard for me to speak that night. He did a great job... at both his and my job. :) I know I couldn't have done it better then him...he spoke with intelligence, confidence, and emotion. Bret does this because he loves his family and misses his little girl and I can't stress enough how well he did that night.

Sunburst, the band, was on point. Lots of people danced, yelled in delight, and laughed because of them. They all did so well, and rocked out so much that the lead guitarist has had laryngitis ever since. The drummer showed off his best stuff, the bass player moved around his guitar, the keyboardist was on fire, and the woman among all the boys was so entertaining it was almost as if people would rather watch her then dance.

Of course, those who volunteered their evening, (and so many other evenings!) whether it be at the registration table, the auction checkout table, the bead table, selling raffle tickets, working the A/V system...the evening could not have run as smoothly as it did without them. They all exhibited grace under fire.

All in all the evening was full of great people who were there for one reason...to help children living with cancer. We are thrilled that Kyla's Gift Fund will be able to provide money to help these children.

We have been working diligently to finalize the numbers from the event...it may take another few days to complete the process. However, I can let you know that over $24,000 (and counting) was raised that night! Many, many thanks to everyone that contributed...just another example of how the whole is greater than the sum of it's parts!

April 12th was a successful night not only for the people who were there or the money that was raised, but because those who did not know Kyla or her story, now do...they can tell others about her and what she has inspired us all to do.

Last Minute Details

noreply@blogger.com (Bret McCullough) — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 07:07:00 +0000

It is amazing to us how things just fall into place, how they are laid out for us....it is hard to believe that there will be around 250 people at Kyla's Benefit Dinner & Auction. When we set that as our goal for this year's event, I think we all thought it was possible, but I am not sure we all believed it would actually come to fruition. The unending support from all of you is overwhelming, to say the least. Thank you so much for honoring Kyla in this way...it means the world to us.

For those of you that will be attending Kyla's Benefit Dinner & Auction on Saturday evening, there are a few things that we wanted to prepare you for.

PARKING: There are two pay lots nearby, along with street parking. In addition, there is a parking garage directly across Burnside from McMenamins.

ACCEPTED PAYMENT METHODS: We will be accepting Cash, Check, Credit Cards, or PayPal. It would probably be a good idea to bring some cash as there are some items that you may want to purchase for only a few dollars during the evening. In addition, save some money to buy some raffle tickets as we have two really great raffle items!

BUY IT NOW: The auction starts at 6:00, with the first hour of the auction being designated as a "BUY IT NOW" period, where if there is an item that you can't live without and you are willing to pay extra for it, you can choose to buy it for the elevated price in order to keep it from going to the silent auction where anybody gets a chance at it.

WHAT TO WEAR: We have had a number of people ask us what the dress code is for the event. First and foremost, we want everyone to be comfortable for the evening...this is a festive evening, come prepared to have a good time! We would say dress as if you were going to have a good time on a date! :) For the guys...no ties necessary, but a polo (or button-up shirt) and slacks would probably be appropriate.

We are looking forward to seeing each one of you on Saturday evening as we all join forces to honor Kyla, and help other kids that are currently living with cancer as Kyla did.

Happy Easter!

noreply@blogger.com (Bret McCullough) — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 17:06:00 +0000

He is Risen! He is Risen Indeed! And because of that...so is she! We love you Kyla! What an Easter you must be experiencing!!! You are in our hearts always...