Kyla McCullough

Monday, May 12, 2008

A Day at the Zoo

It's quite funny how things come full circle sometimes. Today was the first grade field trip, one that I particularly enjoy going to...I always have. I went with Kyla three years ago. I remember the trip like it was yesterday, the animals we saw, the smells that were in the air, the photos I took of her, and the smiles on Kyla's face when she saw something she enjoyed. The field tip was like any other I took with her, and we had been to the zoo so many times, it's not like we were seeing things we hadn't before. I guess looking back on the day, the only reason why it sits so close to my heart is because it was the last field trip I took with her. After that day back in 2005, I had never gone back... until today that is.

I have been praying about this field trip since the year first started, it was something that I knew was going to happen whether I was ready for it or not. I went back and forth so many times, "I can be a leader...take photos...entertain the other parents in my group...carry all the info for the zoo...I can do it." On other days it would be, "There is no way I can lead a group...I am going to be a total wreck...maybe my mom would go with Kora, she could do it...I am kidding myself if I think I am going to be able to go through this."

Yesterday was Mother's Day, a hard day to begin with now that Kyla is gone. However, I was tying to get some sleep last night when I started to think, "So here I've had a really hard day, and now I have to go on this field tomorrow... MAN!!!" I woke up energized and willing to make new memories with Kora and face my fear head on with this whole "zoo thing". I am never the kind of person to turn away from any challenges. Kora and I get to the zoo and I can breathe...it is truly amazing I can actually breathe! I feel Kyla with me while I'm there and I know she is wrapping her arms around me saying, "Let's go mom, let's have some fun!" And that is what I did, I had a great time...with KORA. We saw a ton of animals that were fantastic, the air smelled familiar, I took photos of her, and the smiles on her face when she saw something she liked was awesome to see. It warmed my heart, and allowed me to experience the trip with Kora and not with extra baggage I am sometimes known to have.

It wasn't until I came home and the girls were outside playing, did I get a weight on my heart that I could not lift. Looking at all the photos I took today of Kora and realizing I had similar photos of Kyla just hit me so hard. I went back into my albums on my computer and I saw the photos of Kyla and I. Then I went back to the ones of Kora and I and WHAM... I lost it. It's so hard sometimes to have to move on, and it's not until days like today and yesterday do I realize I have to.