Today is a Hard Day
Bret and I just came back from Idaho. Boise State to be exact... visiting Bret's brother Joey. We had a great time, we saw Joey's room, watched a football game, had dinner with him and shared in a lot of laughs. Bret and I had a wonderful time seeing him and wished he was closer to us so we could see him more. Bret and I wish we could see all his brothers and sisters more, seeing they live in Idaho and can only see them every now and again.
I'm not sure if anyone has made the trip by car from Boise to Portland, but it is very "ugly" at least that is how Bret and I see it. Very dry ground, no water to look at, and we always think its the same sight for six hours. It's not until we get to John Day that things really start looking beautiful. Bret is driving and it's a really good time to talk to each other. We talked about many many things: our businesses, our family, our friends, our kids, our schedules, the holidays coming up and so forth. We were about three hours away from home when Bret used the word, "Miss." All the other words that came out of his mouth sounded like a blur and for some reason I start to tear up. I close my eyes, for some reason I thought that would work. I'm not sure why I didn't want to cry, I guess I knew I had three hours left in this drive of ours and I just didn't want to fill up the time being upset. It worked, closing my eyes, but because I didn't cry right then and there I have been upset ever since.
That is how it is for me... one word that a person can say brings me into a dark cloud. Missing Kyla is extreme when the feeling comes back around. I miss Kyla every day, but I can breath through it... I can remember her and not break down... it is possible. But today, I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can't get rid of. I can't concentrate on anything and, this may sound silly but, my vision is cloudy. I literally can not focus on what is in front of me. I'm not sure how that happens but it does.
One word, that's all it takes, one word and my world is completely different. I try to look at her photos, I try to talk to her, I try to think of other things, but nothing works. Today is a hard day... I can't breath through this one...
I'm not sure if anyone has made the trip by car from Boise to Portland, but it is very "ugly" at least that is how Bret and I see it. Very dry ground, no water to look at, and we always think its the same sight for six hours. It's not until we get to John Day that things really start looking beautiful. Bret is driving and it's a really good time to talk to each other. We talked about many many things: our businesses, our family, our friends, our kids, our schedules, the holidays coming up and so forth. We were about three hours away from home when Bret used the word, "Miss." All the other words that came out of his mouth sounded like a blur and for some reason I start to tear up. I close my eyes, for some reason I thought that would work. I'm not sure why I didn't want to cry, I guess I knew I had three hours left in this drive of ours and I just didn't want to fill up the time being upset. It worked, closing my eyes, but because I didn't cry right then and there I have been upset ever since.
That is how it is for me... one word that a person can say brings me into a dark cloud. Missing Kyla is extreme when the feeling comes back around. I miss Kyla every day, but I can breath through it... I can remember her and not break down... it is possible. But today, I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I can't get rid of. I can't concentrate on anything and, this may sound silly but, my vision is cloudy. I literally can not focus on what is in front of me. I'm not sure how that happens but it does.
One word, that's all it takes, one word and my world is completely different. I try to look at her photos, I try to talk to her, I try to think of other things, but nothing works. Today is a hard day... I can't breath through this one...
posted by Bret McCullough @ 10:44 AM
2 Comments
2 Comments:
Hi. I'm Lori Halbakken's friend Lisa. After she passed away I found your link in her email. I bookmarked it so I could keep up to speed with your family. I remember her talking about your daughter and how sad the loss was.
I'm so sorry your having a hard day. I cannot imagine. I miss my friend so much, that part I can relate too.
I will be praying for you! Lisa
My Dear Brettie
You have my heart many times as I sooo understand what you mean when you say one word can change the whole day. After 17 years some days it only takes one word for me also
Keeping you in my prayers and I love you
Aunt Peg
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