Kyla McCullough

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Handprint On My Heart

Have you ever felt led in your life, like there is someone else who is walking the steps you are taking?

When we first knew Kyla had a brain tumor we were of course shocked, but we knew what we had to do. Bret and I knew exactly what we had to do... isn't that amazing? If I step back for a moment I find it incredible that through all my sorrow, pain, and confusion came knowledge. When Kyla was lying on the hospital bed the last night she was in our lives, she was in a coma. There were nine of us in the room not including Kyla... I was the only one who could speak. I held her hand close to my mouth and started speaking about all the people she was about to meet. Her great grandparents, her cousins, her aunts. I told her we are all proud of her and think she is amazing... the most amazing person we've ever met. I told her that I felt very lucky to be her mom and thanked her for a wonderful seven years. What I wonder now is how was I able to do that? How was I able to speak to Kyla like that when no one else could even mutter a word?

Yes... I have felt led in my life.

In the past two years, however, I have not taken the time to notice if that feeling even exists in the my world anymore. I have been lost, not knowing my way. Spending that much time in the dark it's hard to see the light that was once shining bright. Bret and I have been attending a new church, a church that is close to our house. The first time we walked through the doors, I was nervous and a bit reluctant, not thinking I would find what I have been searching for the last few years. PEACE. Sadly I didn't find what I had lost, instead I found a crack amongst the blackness which was allowing a small amount of light to come in. We went to that church again, it was the second time I sat in a chair in this new church. The second time I was listening to the word of God in this new place. And that's all it took for that crack to open even more... the light that I have been feeling in the last few weeks has felt so good. My heart is warming and my relationship with God is mending.

Kora has found a friend who I believe has been hand picked for her by her big sister. Not only do these girls play soccer together and have the same teacher, they have both lost an older sister. Kora talks often how they have both lost a sister... I feel blessed that Kora feels comfort in her new friend. Kora's friend has invited her to an Awana Club that is being run at her church. At first I was a bit reserved seeing my relationship with God is just now starting to mend, I almost felt like saying to God, "Geesh, you move fast." Kora came home that night on a high, she wants to keep going and learn more about God, with her new friend.

My life is far from being where I want it to be. I would give my life to see Kyla again, to hug her once more. However, I somehow have been led to be where I am today. As much as I have felt lost the last few years, I have realized God is still a major player in my life and that comforts me. Kyla has left a hand print on my heart and in my life... I hope to spread her story to as many people as I can.


At October 28, 2007 8:56 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

i love you bigger than the sky my b.


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